Of Peanut Butter & Jelly
by BBananular
Summary: Claire's got herself a boyfriend and Quil is determined to prove that he's all wrong for her, but six-year-old Claire isn't going to make it easy.
1. Cooties

_A/N: This is my first Twilight fanfiction, so please be gentle. :) At the moment I think this will only be about five chapters, but you never know. It could change into more. We'll see. Basically, the whole story is about Quil finding reason why Claire shouldn't have a boyfriend. I hope you all enjoy! Please R&R. :)

* * *

_

**Chapter One  
**Cooties

* * *

He wasn't quite sure what had occurred that his little Claire felt she needed a boy in her life. All he remembered was her hopping in his truck and announcing something he hadn't expected to hear for another ten years.

"Guess what, Quil?" Claire shouted excitedly, climbing into the back of his truck. In a rush she stripped her backpack off and threw it on the seat next to her.

"You learned how to fly?" Quil asked, a grin spreading across his face.

Claire giggled. "No! I got a boyfriend!"

The grin was replaced with a thin line of shock.

"A what?" He asked perplexed.

According to all of the other women in his life, Claire wasn't supposed to take any likings to boys whatsoever until high school. His Claire was definitely _not_ in high school. He would certainly have remembered that.

"A boyfriend! His name's Derek and he's _super_ cute."

Quil couldn't help that his brain stopped functioning. He felt protective and territorial and so _lost_. He didn't necessarily think of Claire _that way_, but he sure did think of her like a little sister. And little sisters were _not_ allowed to have boyfriends until they were in college!

"A boyfriend? Claire! You're only six!"

"So." Claire crinkled her nose and grabbed a hold of her right light brown braid. "Caitlin is eight and she's already had six boyfriends!"

The seriousness in her little face almost gave him a heart attack.

"Caitlin shouldn't be having boyfriends!"

"But she does."

Quil had decided a long time ago that arguing with a child was useless. They never caved and would fight to the death. And with that cute little face he usually found himself surrendering in the first five minutes. Claire was right even if she was wrong. It was a rule Quil had always and would always obey.

"Well she shouldn't. And you _really_ shouldn't."

"Why not?"

Quil floundered trying to come up with a response that would ring true to a six year olds ear.

"Because boys have cooties!"

Did she believe in that? Did _anyone_ still believe in that?

Claire threw her delicate head back and laughed. She promptly fell back against her seat and Quil couldn't help but worry that she might hit her head against the window.

"Oh, Quil," she managed to push out during her laughter. "You're so funny!"

Apparently she did _not_ believe that boys had cooties.

Claire was smiling uncontrollably as she buckled her seat belt. He watched in the rear view mirror as she gave a sigh and laid her hands in her lap.

"So you're not buying the whole cooties deal?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"They're not real, Quil."

"Oh really?" Quil couldn't wait for this explanation and quickly started the car and smoothly pulled out of Claire's school parking lot.

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're the one who told me boys had cooties. On the first day of kindergarten, remember?"

Quil nodded.

Claire continued on, "Embry and Jake laughed about it all day long. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why, but I guessed it's because you lied and it's just funny when people lie."

"It's not funny. Lying is bad, Claire."

"Then why did you lie to me?" She asked, cocking her head to the side.

"I didn't!"

"Cooties aren't real. Just like the monster under my bed!"

"Well, this is news to me, kiddo. I thought cooties were real. I remember when I was in first grade and I spent every single day chasing this girl around the playground during recess. One day I finally decided to ask her why she kept running from me. Do you know what she told me?"

Claire shook her head.

"That I had cooties. And I asked her how I got them and she said I couldn't help it. Boys were just born with cooties."

"So that girl lied?"

"I guess so, because if you're telling me that cooties don't exist then they don't exist because-."

"It's Claire's world and we just live in it."

Quil nodded. Claire's mother said that was conceited. Quil didn't think so. He thought the same way and he wasn't conceited.

"And in Claire's world today Derek's coming over and we're going to play outside!"

Quil bit back a groan. He had to get rid of this Derek guy.

_Derek _kid_, Quil. Derek _kid_. As in Derek is a six year old boy._

Yeah, yeah, yeah . . .


	2. Approval

**Chapter Two  
**Approval

* * *

It was now Day Three of Quil's agonizing torture.

All weekend long he had to listen to Claire talking about how _cute_ Derek was and how _funny_ Derek was and how _smart_ Derek was and how _strong_ Derek was and how great Derek's _smile_ was. It was a never ending, migraine inducing torture.

Quil loved to hear Claire talk so animatedly. He loved to hear her just talk at all, but it was becoming unbearable to have to sit and listen to her go on and on about some stupid, two foot tall first grader.

Jacob and Embry had thought it was hilarious of course.

"You're jealous of a first grader!" Jacob had pointed out, grinning.

"I am _not_ jealous!" Quil retorted. "I'm protective. This little deviant only wants _one_ thing-"

"And what's that? Claire's Disneyland pencil? They're six, Quil. Nothing's going to happen. First grade relationships' life spans are only about three days."

"It's been three days!"

"What are you going to do when she goes to high school?" Embry asked. Quil narrowed his eyes at his tanned friend and shot him a glare. Quil didn't even want to think about high school boys. They were grabby, pushy and _horny_. Well, at least he was.

"Shut up. Just shut. Up."

"Great comeback, Quil. Really, I can't pick myself up off the floor."

He really needed new friends.

XXXXX

Quil sat in his beat up truck with his arms folded across his thick chest and scowled at two little children chatting by a flagpole.

Claire was holding onto the straps of her backpacks and was giggling obscenely at something funny Derek had said. It couldn't have been _that_ funny. He was _six_, for crying out loud!

Quil used to be the funniest person Claire knew. And now- now, _Derek_ was. It just wasn't right and he'd do anything to fix it.

"Would you stop glaring daggers at the kid?" Jacob asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"I'm not."

"Really? Then what are you doing?"

"Why did you even come?"

"Moral support?" Jacob suggested, with a grin.

"I came to mock you," Embry said from the back seat.

"Oh, look!" Jacob shouted. "They're holding hands!"

"What?" Quil cried out, whipping his head around.

It was true. Claire's pale, delicate hand was linked with a foreign one. Quil painstakingly noticed she had a little bounce in her step as she made her way to his truck. As the two came closer, Derek reached to open the door for Claire and Quil resisted the urge to hit the automatic lock button.

"Hi!" Claire shouted as the door opened. She held her hand up and Embry smacked his much larger one against it. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We wanted to come see our favorite little first grader of course."

Claire smiled and jumped into the car.

"Bye Claire," Derek said with a wave.

Claire smiled back. "Bye! I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

The little dark haired boy nodded and shut the door after her.

"Aw," Embry cooed. "What a little gentleman."

"I know!" Claire squealed. "All of my friends are _so_ jealous."

_Ha!_ Quil thought. He could use that.

"Jealous that you're spending so much time with him, huh?"

"No," Claire said, dragging out the 'o'. "They're jealous that _I_ have an awesome boyfriend and _they_ don't."

"You don't want to take pride in that, Claire," Quil told her. "Then you won't have any friends."

"What are you talking about?" Claire asked, throwing her hands up in the air. "My friends love Derek. They think he's so cool."

Quil grimaced.

"They do?"

"Yep. We all eat lunch together and my best friend Kate has class with Derek. They're Plant Partners."

"Plant Partners?" Jake asked.

"Yeah. Every two kids have a plant and we have to take care of it and watch it grow and make sure it doesn't die."

"Oh, I remember that!" Jake exclaimed. "Quil killed it."

"I did not!" Quil yelled.

"Yes you did. I was sick with the flu for three days- just three! I come back and it's dead. You killed Bob."

"Bob?" Embry asked as leaned forward to look at Jacob. "You didn't seriously name the plant Bob, did you?"

"No," Quil told him. "He just randomly came up with that one day in junior high while he was throwing it in my face."

"Just because I didn't call it Bob back then doesn't mean that it wasn't named Bob."

"That doesn't make any sense, Jake," Claire spoke.

"You tell him, Claire Bear," Embry egged.

"It's a plant. Not an animal or a person. So it can't have a name."

"You're right, Claire," Quil told her, quickly changing the subject. "But let's get back to the topic at hand."

"What topic?"

"Your friends liking Dan."

"Derek," Jake corrected.

"What about it?" Claire asked.

"Are you sure they like him?" Quil asked.

Was it wrong to wish that every person Claire spent time with hated Derek? He didn't think so.

"Of course they like him! They love him!"

Fan_-freaking-_tastic.

The little brat was not only cootie free but had Claire's friends approval. Quil really hoped he thought of something fast, because he didn't think he could live with himself if he had to _accidentally_ run a six year old down.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for all the awesome feedback! Very appreciated everyone!


	3. Barbies

**Chapter Three  
**Barbies

* * *

"Hey Sarah," Quil greeted Claire's mother as he made his way into her cozy home. 

"Hello Quil," Sarah said with a smile. He quickly made his way into the kitchen poking his head around, looking for Claire. "She's upstairs with a friend."

_Ah._ Sarah knew him all too well.

Quil turned around at the sound of an opening oven and his mouth watered at the smell of Sarah's amazing chocolate chip cookies. Nestle had _nothing_ on this woman.

"Okay," he said. "I'll just take some of these up to Claire and her friend." Quickly, he grabbed several hot cookies off the rack and didn't miss Sarah rolling her eyes at him.

"Claire's friend is allergic to chocolate. So don't worry about him."

"What?" Quil shouted with his mouth already full of melting chocolate chips and hot dough. "Allergic to chocolate? What kind of demon kid is this?"

Sarah smirked and shook her head.

"Wait." He hated it when it took his ears a little longer to catch up with his brain. "He?" Oh no. Oh _no, no, no, no, no_! "It's not that Derrick kid is it?"

"Oh you mean Claire's _boyfriend_?" Sarah asked, smiling wickedly. She tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and folded her arms across her chest. She really hadn't expected to have so much fun teasing Quil about it. She might take this whole situation a little bit seriously if her daughter was oh say- ten years older and taking Chemistry and American Literature.

"Don't call him that!" Quil yelled. "He's just a boy who's a friend-"

"That Claire talks about _constantly_ and even refers to him as her boyfriend," she interrupted.

Claire's mother could be _so cruel_ when she wanted to be.

Shoving another whole cookie into his mouth and shooting a glare at Sarah he heard hurried footsteps were making their way down the stairs. Turning his head to see his lips curled into a snarl at the sight of _Claire's boyfriend._

"No!" the little brat shouted. "I don't want to!"

"Well then fine!" Claire yelled from the top of the stairs. "I don't want you to anyways! Get out of my house!" She hiccupped and wiped her sleeve at her eyes.

Oh yeah, he was _so_ going to kill this boy.

The door slammed behind him before Quil had time to react.

"Where is he going?" Sarah muttered. "Quil? Will you watch Claire? I have to go drive him home."

"Let him walk."

"Kidnappers. Murders. Bloodsuckers." She reminded him.

"He can run fast, can't he?"

"You're awful, Quil," she told him patting him on the back.

As the front door shut Claire gave out a wail and raced back to her room. Quil's heart almost broke for her. _Almost._ There was a bright side to this after all. That two-faced little rugrat was never coming around _here _ever again.

_You're evil Quil Ateara_, pure_ evil_.

In a flash Quil was up the stairs and at Claire's door.

_Thud._

_Thud. Thud._

"Claire?" Quil asked, leaning his head on her pink door. "Are you okay?"

_Thud. _

"Claire? What are you doing? Your mom will be really mad if you break something."

_Thud._

"_Stupid- buttface- my Barbie- don't care_-," were the only words Quil could catch Claire muttering.

"Claire? Can I come in?"

He didn't receive an answer.

"Okay. I'm coming in. Don't throw anything at me. I'd _hate_ to have to retaliate," Quil told her. He was only _half-_joking.

Turning the knob and tentatively pushing the door open he noticed half dressed barbies strewn about her very tidy room. His Claire was the cleanest person he had _ever_ met. He had no idea how a 6-year-old could keep their room so neat and organized. Which could only mean that the barbies had been used in Claire's attempt to beat the door down.

He quickly spotted Claire sitting on the floor, leaning against her bed with her face pushed up against her bed's comforter.

"Were the barbies trash talking you again?" Quil asked. Leaning down he picked two of Claire's beat up barbies and held them to eye level.

"Barbie," he said sternly. "Theresa. You two know better than to talk smack to my girl. Don't act like we haven't talked about this, because we have. I remember. It was over tea and sugar cookies. _Mmhmm_. Those were the best sugar cookies I've ever tasted."

Claire giggled.

"Why are you talking to my barbies?" She asked. There were dried tear stains on her cheeks and her brilliant smile revealed the adorable gap she had on the top row of her teeth, right smack dab in the middle.

"Well, I had to explain to them-" Claire interrupted with a louder giggle.

"You're so funny, Quil. They're _barbies_! They're not _real_." She picked herself up off her spot on the ground and walked over to him, taking the barbies out of his hands. She threw them to her left and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I don't think Theresa and Barbie appreciated that."

Claire ignored him.

"I hate Derrick," she muttered.

Quil really hoped the happiness that was bursting through his chest wasn't showing on his face.

"Aw, why pumpkin?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

Claire jutted her bottom lip out and gave a loud sigh that shook her shoulders.

"Because he hates my barbies."

Quil just had to smile at that. He hated her barbies too, but he'd do anything to make Claire happy. If that meant giving Barbie a new hairdo for her hot date with Ken, then so be it.

"Did he say that?"

"_Yeah_! He said that he didn't want to play with my barbies! He said they were stupid and girlie. And then I said he couldn't be my boyfriend if he didn't play with my barbies! And then he said fine! And then he left like the big baby he is."

"Aw, come here Claire Bear."

Claire stepped closer and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. He wrapped her up in a hug and smoothed his hand in tiny circles over her back, trying to squash the hiccups.

"I hate having a boyfriend," Claire muttered in his ear.

"Yeah, they're too much trouble," he whispered in hers.

"Yeah. They're so not worth it."

"Claire!" Sarah called from downstairs.

"Yes?" Claire yelled back.

"Come down here for a minute!"

"Go ahead," Quil told her, smoothing down her ruffled hair. "I'll pick up your abused barbies. Don't be surprised if they stage a revolt on you."

Claire giggled and ran past him, down the stairs.

If he had known what was going to happen he so would not have stayed to pick up the _stupid, half-naked_ barbies. He would have gone down the stairs and been the little devil in Claire's ear telling her that Derrick was a liar and that she couldn't trust him.

But he wasn't there. And Derrick _did_ apologize and _did_ tell her that he was sorry. And he _did_ tell her that he wanted to play with her barbies because she was just the best girlfriend he had ever had.

How he hated Derrick Hoover.

Quil sulked in the living room reclining chair as he listened to Claire and Derrick playing happily with Barbie and Theresa.

Sarah walked into the living room with a plate of cookies and a huge grin plastered to her face.

"You just couldn't let him leave, could you?" Quil asked scornfully. He glared daggers and death from under his eyelashes.

"Why of course not," Sarah said not letting her grin falter. "What kind of mother would I be if I let my daughter's boyfriend walk out of this house and out of her life and not do anything to stop him? I just _had_ to fix it."

Quil shook his head and another shriek of laughter traveled down the stairs and up to Quil's ears.

"Oh how I _hate_ you."

"Such bitterness. Eat a cookie. The sweetness will water it down."

* * *

_A/N: Poor, poor Quil. Just when he thinks he's got a break- he's wrong. I hope you guys all liked Chapter 3! Review? Please? On another note, we're coming to the end of _Of Peanut Butter & Jelly. _Only 2 more chapters left. _


	4. Chocolate

_A/N: I know, I know- Could I have taken any longer to update? Sorry! But it's hear to now. So I hope you enjoy. Only one more chapter left and I'm debating as to write an epilogue with an older Claire or not. We'll see. Anyways, enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Four  
**Chocolate

* * *

"I don't feel right about this."

"Me neither."

"Actually, I feel like I'm in that one movie with Lindsay Lohan where they plot against that one girl to ruin her. I don't want to feel like Lindsay Lohan. Ever."

Embry nodded in remembrance. "Mean Girls."

"I don't even want to know how you know the name of that movie," Jake told him, shaking his head with wide eyes.

"You're the one who knows the plot," Embry pointed out defensively.

"Yeah, but in order to know the name of a movie you have to know the plot. _You_ knew both. That's worse."

"Can you guys just like shut up for two seconds?" Quil snapped.

"Somebody's cranky," Jacob murmured.

"Seriously, Quil," Embry said. "What side of the bed did you wake up on?"

"If you guys aren't going to take this seriously-"

Jacob cut him off with a bark of laughter and Embry rolled himself off of his chair and onto the floor.

"That's it! You guys can leave." Quil shook his head and turned his back to them.

"Take it seriously?" Embry repeated, disbelieving.

"You're talking about destroying a six year old and-"

"Seven. It's his birthday today."

"Aww," Embry cut in. "I bet you Claire's going to give him a _kiss_."

Embry had to thank his werewolf reflexes as he easily dodged the picture frame Quil threw at his head. People thought Paul was the most volatile one among them, but that's just because they never needled Quil about Claire.

"Now that I think about it," Jacob said. "Derrick and Claire actually sounds really good. I mean they're both good, strong names and they just look so darn cute together."

"I agree, Jacob," Embry said.

"Do you two live just to piss me off?"

"Naw. It's just a bonus to life."

"Okay, okay," Jacob said coming to stand between the two. "You're our friend, Quil. And even if we both think you're freaking crazy this is really serious to you. So we'll help, but I draw the line at killing him."

"Yeah, me too," Embry agreed.

Quil bit back a grin and sighed, "I was only _joking_."

---

After an annoying and a complete waste of time that Quil had referred to as a "meeting" he found himself outside of Claire's house waiting for her to get back from Derrick's birthday party. What kind of guy- sorry, _boy_ goes horseback riding for his birthday? What a little fruit.

Quil knew that it was completely irrational to hate a six year old and to devote the majority of his day knocking the kid down. Although, nothing he said seemed to sway Claire's thoughts away from the little brat.

Quil harshly kicked a rock sitting on the front porch of the little house and glared as it hit a pillar and made its way right back to him.

"Stupid rock," Quil mumbled, kicking it again. "Stupid Derrick."

Pity there wasn't a Derrick to kick.

"Quil!" Claire squealed.

He swiftly looked up to see his favorite little girl race across her front lawn with her blonde pigtails tied by light pink ribbons flying behind her. She donned a white dress with pink lace, white tights, and black dress shoes. He almost laughed out loud as he spotted all the dirt tainting the white dress and her white tights.

His Claire loved to play. She didn't care if her mother was in her ear telling her that she might get dirty. She didn't care if and when she _did_ get dirty.

"Quil! Quil! Quil! Quil!" She chanted excitedly.

"How was the party, Claire Bear?" Quil asked. He gently scooped her up off her feet and her arms wound around his neck.

"Fun!" She yelled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, my horse was named Horsey."

"Horsey?" Quil asked. "How original."

"Yep. He was funny."

"Did you have a good time?" Quil asked.

"Oh, she had the best time," Sarah cut in from behind. Quil turned around to throw a glare at her grin. "Didn't you sweetie? Derrick sure did love his present didn't he?"

"Yeah!" Claire yelled, kicking her feet in enthusiasm. "He said it was his _favorite_."

"That's great," Quil said faking a smile.

He really didn't care if the kid got hit by a bus let alone liked his birthday presents.

"Isn't it?" Sarah asked, pushing open the front door. "The cake was delicious, too."

"I'm sure it was."

"No," Claire said, pushing away from Quil. He obliged and set her on her feet. "It was vanilla. I _hate_ vanilla."

"Vanilla? What kind of cake is that?" Quil asked.

"Not a real one!"

"Definitely."

Claire grinned up at him and giggled. She had the cutest smile he had ever seen. Missing teeth or not.

"Does he not like chocolate or something?" Quil asked. He knelt down so that he was eye level with her. Which didn't really work; he still saw over her head.

_Damn werewolf height_.

"He's allergic," his favorite little girl told him.

"What?"

"Derrick's allergic to chocolate," Sarah said. "I know you're not the brightest but geeze."

"Shut up," Quil said.

"Oh, very mature."

"You guys are funny," Claire giggled.

"Claire, sweetie," Sarah said. "You need to go upstairs and take a bath. You're all dirty."

Claire gave another giggle.

"I know."

"Wait, wait," Quil cut in. "Let's go back to the chocolate thing."

This was _perfect_.

Claire _loved_ chocolate. More than she loved barbies. More than she loved to play. More than she loved to color. More than she loved swimming. More than _anything_.

Now if only he could get that annoying pro-Derrick woman out of the room.

"What about it?" Claire asked.

"He's allergic to chocolate?" Quil asked as he put on the best horrified expression he could muster.

Claire nodded.

"How does he live?"

"I don't know," Claire answered with a light shrug of her shoulders.

"It must be such a _sad, colorless_ life."

Sarah snorted.

"Derrick said he doesn't really care about it, because he's never had any," Claire explained.

"I guess that makes sense," Quil said quietly. "But that has to be hard for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you go over to his house there's no chocolate. How can you not have any chocolate?"

"It's hard," Claire said seriously. "But I know that when I come home there's always chocolate waiting for me. Unless that stupid piggy eats it all."

"Hey, hey," Sarah butted in using her best motherly tone. "Don't talk about your sister like that."

Claire rolled her eyes and apologized.

"But Claire," Quil continued. "How you can you 'date'", and he used that term loosely, "someone who doesn't like chocolate?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I think you should just dump him. No guy is worth you not getting your chocolate fix."

Claire pursed her lips together and squinted her eyes in thought.

"You make a good point," Sarah said. She bent down and took Claire's hand in hers. "But where would we be without sacrifices?"

"What's a sacrifice?" Claire asked.

"It's when someone gives something up to make somebody happy. And didn't Derrick sacrifice his belief on not playing with barbies for you?"

"He did!" Claire exclaimed, smiling.

"Yes, he did. So can't you sacrifice your want for chocolate just for the _few_ hours you're at his house every other day?"

Claire twisted her fingers and thought for a moment.

"I guess I can."

"That's my girl!" Sarah said. "Now chop chop! We need to get you clean!"

Quil stood back up and watched as Claire bounced up the stairs and to her bathroom. As soon as she was out of sight he turned back to the mother of his imprint.

"So much hate for you Sarah. So much hate," Quil muttered.

"That hurts, Quil. Really- it does."

"You ever need a kidney- don't come looking here."

"Right," Sarah scoffed. "Because if I ever need a kidney I'm going to ask _you_ for one. God only knows what you've done to it."

"Hey! My kidney's in good shape!"

"And I care why?"

"I'm just saying if you need one. Mine's good."

"I wouldn't want it anyways."

Sarah turned on her heel and sashayed up the stairs.

"Well I wouldn't want yours either!" Quil yelled after her.

Quil spotted a pen lying on the floor and kicked it as hard as he could.

"_Stupid Sarah_," he muttered.


	5. Peanut Butter and Jelly

**Chapter Five  
**Peanut Butter and Jelly

* * *

"Stupid alpha male," Quil grumbled to himself angrily as he stepped off the porch of Sam and Emily's house. He knew he owed a lot to Sam, but that didn't give the guy the right to tell him how to handle every day life.

So he didn't like Claire having a boyfriend. No big brother wanted his _six-year-old_ sister having a boyfriend. It was stupid and he just didn't like it, but that didn't mean he viewed Claire as anything other than a sibling. She was his imprint, yes. However, she was six. He held no romantic feelings for Claire whatsoever.

Sam seemed to think otherwise.

And it pissed Quil off more than anything in the world. He wasn't a sick pervert. He only saw Claire as a kid sister. The key word being _kid_. He hated how the guys sometimes made him feel like some sort of pedophile. If he had a choice on who he imprinted on you could bet on your life Quil wouldn't have picked a toddler.

Cindy Crawford. _Hell yes_.

Jessica Simpson. Why not?

Hell, he'd even take Ashlee.

The whole point that Quil was currently battling with in his head was that he didn't _choose_ to imprint on Claire. Although, after four years of spending all of his free time around the care free, laughter filled little girl he couldn't imagine imprinting on anyone else.

Imprinting.

It sounded so . . . _dirty_. It made him _feel_ dirty. It made him feel even dirtier when Sam had to point out how old Quil was and how old Claire was.

He knew how old he was. He knew how old Claire was. He knew he'd be old before she could ever know the truth about him. About _them_, but it was worth it. He could wait.

Quil shook his head in an effort to get Sam's condescending voice out of his head and climbed into his truck. He was careful to not slam the door behind him. He really didn't want to replace _another_ car door.

Quil tapped his fingers absently as he headed towards Claire's school. After taking a quick glance at the clock he noted he had a good extra twenty minutes before Claire got out. But those twenty minutes flew by faster than he had anticipated. As soon as the kids poured out of the main doorway in front of the school, Quil got himself more comfortable in his seat as he leaned against his car door.

He had to wait _another_ twenty minutes while Claire fraternized with Derek.

Ugh, it was so _sickening_. The way she fawned all over him and the way he just ate it up. He probably didn't even know how to spell his own name. Granted Claire probably couldn't either, but that wasn't the point!

The point was that Derek was stupid. And Claire couldn't stick with a stupid boy for long, could she?

Much to Quil's great surprise and pleasure Claire didn't stop at the flagpole to wait for her boyfriend. Instead, she held tight to the dangling strings of her backpack and trudged her way through the masses of kids to his beat up truck.

Quil instantly noticed the frown plastered to her face and the way she kicked angrily at an innocent pebble. He frowned when Claire bumped into a boy and didn't say thank you. That was not like his Claire Bear. Not at all.

He turned in his seat and reached over, pushing the door open for an irritable looking Claire and prepared himself for a rant.

"What's up, sweets?" Quil asked, attempting a smile.

Claire only gave a weak smile in return before throwing her backpack on the floor.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked sympathetically.

"Not really," Claire said, leaning her forehead against the window. "Can we just go home?"

"You don't want to stop for ice-cream or anything?"

"No thank you."

Quil nodded, pulled out of the school parking lot and headed for Claire's house.

The entire ride was silent except for the tiniest of yawns that occasionally came from Claire. He kept checking in his mirror to see if anything had changed and no, there wasn't. Her forehead was still smashed up against the cool glass and her mouth was still frowning and her eyebrows were still furrowed together in deep concentration.

If this mood that Claire was in was because of Derek . . .

Well, he had a _really strong _feeling Derek would be developing a fear of dogs _real_ soon.

Claire hopped out of the car as soon as Quil came to a stop in front of her bright colored house.

"Quil?" She asked looking up at him as she squinted her eyes in an effort to block out the sun.

"Yeah?"

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you, you silly girl," he told her while he ruffled her hair and a little taken aback by her question. "You're like the little sister I always wanted."

She smiled up at him. "Okay because I love you too."

"Good. I'd be terribly heart broken if you didn't."

"Yeah," Claire said grinning. "I'm a heartbreaker."

Quil let out a bark of laughter as he pushed open her front door and entered into the cinnamon smelling house.

"Really? Broken any unsuspecting hearts lately?"

Claire nodded. "Derek's."

_What?_

It couldn't be. Could it?

"What was that Claire Bear?"

"I dumped Derek today," she repeated, confirming his happiest thoughts. Oh _yeah_, he most definitely loved this little girl. Why? Because she had the best brain on her shoulders and she used it to its fullest.

"Why?" Quil asked as he ushered her into the kitchen. He had strict orders from Sarah to feed her child or face consequences. He didn't know what those consequences were, but anything that meant he had to deal with Sarah more than necessary was torture.

"Because he's stupid."

Claire leaned up against the fridge and watched Quil usher around her kitchen, pulling items out of the cupboard.

"Well all boys are stupid," he said with a wink. "Where's the jelly, kiddo?"

"Mommy put it in the fridge," she told him as she successfully pulled the jar of grape jelly off the shelf and out of the refrigerator. "She likes her jelly cold."

Quil slid eight slices of bread out of the package and piled them on a paper towel. "So what did this stupid boy do?"

"Well, we were sitting at lunch today and I pulled out all my stuff that mommy packed. I ate my apple slices first and then I started to eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

"The best sandwich ever!" Quil exclaimed, spreading peanut butter across four slices of bread.

Claire giggled and continued.

"Well, I took a bite out of it and then Derek said 'ew! What are you eating?' and I told him it was a PB&J sandwich and then he said that PB&J's were disgusting and that he couldn't believe I ate them."

Quil scoffed at the stupidity of the seven year old boy. He obviously didn't know good food if it bit him in the butt.

"So I told him that PB&J's were the best thing God ever invented. He said I was wrong. He said that _video games_ were the best thing God ever invented."

Quil shook his head and slapped the peanut butter covered bread to the jelly covered bread and gently placed it on a paper plate.

"You dated one stupid boy, Claire," he told her, shaking his head.

"I know! I don't know what I was thinking!"

Quil picked up the butter knife and lifted it above the scrumptious sandwich. "Down the middle or triangles?"

"Triangles."

Quil cut her one sandwich into triangles and then cut his three sandwiches down the middle.

"So back to my story!" She said, hands on her hips. She looked so much like her mother when she did that it was frightening.

"Right! Back to the story."

"So after he said that stuff about his video games he said that I couldn't sit next to him if I was going to eat my sandwich. So I said that I preferred a peanut butter and jelly sandwich over his stupid face any day and that he should find himself a new girlfriend, because I was _so_ over him."

"Rock on!" Quil exclaimed, raising his hand for a high five. Claire smacked her hand against his and grinned. "That's the best decision you ever made."

"I know. I can't believe I wasted all my time on him," she said as she grabbed her paper plate with both hands. Quil followed her to the dining room and pulled out a chair for her. "Besides, I'd rather spend time with you then Derek. At least you like PB&J's. And chocolate chip cookies!"

"Is there any other kind of food?"

Claire shook her head and bit into her sandwich. "No. Not really."

It was official. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were invented by God- _just_ for Quil.

* * *

A/N: The End!

I hope you enjoyed this crazy, little story as much as I enjoyed writing it and reading all of the awesome feedback. You guys are hilarious and totally make my day!! P.S. If you guys found a million mistakes, I apologize! I only re-read once, because I feel horrible for the three month long drought!

I decided to _not_ post an Epilogue, but I _have_ decided to make a fic with an older Claire. I have no idea when I will post it (let's cross our fingers and hope for soon, yes?), but I'll do my best to get started on it. Only 18 more days of school and then I'll have more time to dedicate to FanFiction, which is really why it took me so freaking long to get this to you guys. I hope no one forgot about OPB&J!!

Anyways, thank you so much for sticking with me through the droughts and crazy Quil moments! I hope you guys liked this chapter! Let me know your thoughts! Just push that little button there at the bottom and type away! :)


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